I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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