woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize