Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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