I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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