The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
