Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
