hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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