tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
