I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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