Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
