One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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