I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
