i think i scared a bird with my dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize