she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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