you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
