did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
