you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
