I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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