My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
