My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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