the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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