just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i barfeds in our rink
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize