I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
