did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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