...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
