yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
