she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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