Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
