oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
