No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize