My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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