I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
