first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
