and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
