She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
