you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
