i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize