No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
