If that was your dad, he is hot
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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