I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
