I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
