I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
