i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
