I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
