so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
