Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
