I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
