i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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