I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
