I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
