Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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