Sponge bath it is.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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