My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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