I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
