Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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