Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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