It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
