My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
