Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
where am i from again
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
