She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
