i already hear my dad disowning me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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