She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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