i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
